Stoic Happiness: Accept What Is, Release the Rest, Become Your Best
We put a lot of time and effort into the pursuit of happiness, but we seldom think about what happiness actually is. Is it a state of mind? A special context? A spiritual experience? Where does happiness come from? Trying to define the notion of happiness is a challenge in itself. As each person’s experience is subjective, it’s next to impossible to assume a singular definition.
Philosophers have always held a position of curiosity about life and continually questioned the how and why of everything. They also looked for answers. Ancient philosophies, like Stoicism, offer timeless insights into living a fulfilling and meaningful life.
The Stoics saw the universe as governed by rational principles and believed our purpose is to align our will with these principles. For them, happiness wasn’t about chasing pleasure or avoiding pain but about living in harmony with life’s deeper truths. They also taught the importance of focusing on what we can control and letting go of what we cannot — a lesson as relevant today as it was then.
Founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens around 300 BC, Stoicism was one of the dominant philosophical systems of the Hellenistic period. The three most known Stoic philosophers are Seneca, Epictetus, and the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.
The Stoics viewed themselves as the heirs of Socratic moral philosophy and the natural philosophy of Heraclitus of Ephesus. Their philosophy comprises a set of practical and effective beliefs that have stood the test of time, having many adherents even today.
Like many schools of ancient philosophy, the Stoics think that the ultimate purpose of life is Eudaimonia (human fulfillment), which they assimilated to virtue and reason. A happy life is virtuous, lived in agreement with natural laws and with an attitude of detachment from external events.
Their philosophy emphasized the pursuit of personal growth and well-being through self-discipline, rational thinking, and the acceptance of one’s fate. The Stoics believe that our focus should be on cultivating virtues such as wisdom, courage, and self-control, which shape our character and guide our actions.
At the same time, we must actively strive to defeat the vices — such as fear, anger, and greed — that undermine our peace of mind. By recognizing and removing these obstacles, we create the space to live with clarity, purpose, and true freedom. In this process, we do not just become better people; we become more aligned with the nature of things, and thus, with a more fulfilled life.
The Stoics highlight the importance of accepting things outside of one’s control, such as fate and the natural world, and adapting to them with a calm and rational mindset. The Stoics also believe in the importance of living in harmony with others and the natural world. They state that all people are part of a larger community and that it is important to act in ways that promote the greater good.
Amor Fati — Embrace Your Fate
While virtue is good and vice is bad, everything else falls into the category of indifferent. The Stoics consider things like fame, money, or possessions as ‘external things’ neither good nor bad in themselves, but indifferent.
“Things themselves are indifferent; but the use of them is not indifferent.”
~ Epictetus
These things don’t affect our souls or our fulfillment in life. What truly matters is how we use them — virtuously or viciously. Our happiness is something we must cultivate within ourselves, and it should never depend on external circumstances.
“If you ever happen to turn your attention to externals, for the pleasure of anyone, be assured that you have ruined your scheme of life.” ~ Epictetus
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” ~Marcus Aurelius
The Stoics embrace a concept known as amor fati (the love of fate), a mindset that promotes the acceptance of things how they are, which lessens our struggle — because the struggle is, in fact, the refusal to accept what is.
“Freedom comes from understanding the limits of our power and the natural limits set in place by divine providence. By accepting life’s limits and inevitabilities and working with them rather than fighting them, we become free.” ~Epictetus
The Stoics believe humans are part of a larger whole to which they must surrender. A wise person accepts without complaint what he cannot change because, in this natural providence, he sees the perfect expression of the divine will.
“Sick and yet happy, in peril and yet happy, dying and yet happy, in exile and happy, in disgrace and happy.” ~Epictetus
If you expect the universe to give you what you want, disappointment is inevitable. But if you embrace whatever the universe delivers, life becomes much easier. Acceptance is the path to peace and happiness.
One of the most important Stoic lessons is to focus on what we can control and accept our natural limitations.
“Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.” ~ Epictetus
Thinking that we have control over our lives, things, and events is the main cause of our unhappiness. The Stoics argue that the only things we are in control of are our actions and judgments. Everything else in life–including health, events, or people’s opinions–depends on external factors. This is the Stoic teaching of the dichotomy of control, coming from Epictetus:
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.” ~ Epictetus
What Emotions Do You Choose?
We must clearly distinguish those things which are within our power to change (desire, emotions, opinion, or actions) from things that are outside our control, such as health, time, property, or other people’s opinions. We should then concentrate on what is within our control and accept what is not. This makes the difference between unhappiness and happiness. For the Stoics, living a good life is mastering our passions and achieving a state of equanimity–peace of mind in difficult situations– rather than denying our natural desires and emotions.
“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
When things happen, we judge them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, and these thoughts create positive or negative emotions within us. In fact, the feelings we attach to an event determine its meaning. In other words, what creates unhappiness in us is the negative emotions we attach to things. While the things themselves are, in fact, neutral.
„You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ~Marcus Aurelius
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” ~Marcus Aurelius
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power or our will.” ~Epictetus
“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” ~Epictetus
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.” ~Epictetus
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” ~Epictetus
“What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance.” ~Epictetus
“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.” ~Epictetus
“Today I escaped from anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside.” ~Marcus Aurelius
“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.” ~Epictetus
Living Where Life IS
The Stoics value the present moment, as the past and the future are not under our control. We are happy only when living in the here and now, without agonizing over the future or the past. By fully living in the present, we free ourselves from the weight of regrets and the anxiety of uncertainty. It is here, in this fleeting moment, that we have the power to act, to feel, and to actually live — unburdened by what has been or what might be.
“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing”. ~Seneca
“Don’t let your reflection on the whole sweep of life crush you. Don’t fill your mind with all the bad things that might still happen. Stay focused on the present situation and ask yourself why it’s so unbearable and can’t be survived.” ~Marcus Aurelius
Be the Best Version of You
One of the most important Stoic principles is practicing virtue. The Stoics believe that being a virtuous person is both necessary and sufficient to live a happy life. They argue that everything we encounter in life is an opportunity to respond with virtue. Stoic philosophy is driven by four guiding main virtues: wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. The Stoics highlight the value of practical wisdom (sometimes referred to as prudence) which they call phronesis. Wisdom is for the Stoics, a firmly-grasped knowledge of what is good, bad, and indifferent. Being able to differentiate between these things helps one making reasonable judgements, rational decisions in a practical way, rather than acting with impulse.
The only true good in life, in the Stoic conception is acting with virtue, under any circumstances. Conversely, the only ‘bad’ thing is the vice, which is a form of ignorance, the corruption of reason. Every vice has an opposite virtue. There’s injustice opposed by justice, ignorance opposed by wisdom, prodigality opposed by temperance, cowardice opposed by courage.
For the Stoics, the only path to happiness is being ‘virtuous’, which means living in alignment with our own true nature, with other people, and with external events. Humans are rational beings by nature, and this gift differentiates them from other animals, empowering them to make virtuous decisions. If we respond harmoniously and wisely to everything we experience, our lives go smoothly.
“Every night before going to sleep, we must ask ourselves: what weakness did I overcome today? What virtue did I acquire?” ~Seneca
“Vices surround and assail men from every side, and do not allow them to rise again and lift their eyes to discern the truth, but keep them overwhelmed and rooted in their desires. Never can they recover their true selves.” ~Seneca
“Virtue is the only good, or at least there is no good without virtue; virtue itself is situated in our nobler part, that is, the rational part. And what will this virtue be? True and steadfast judgment. From this will spring the impulses of the mind; by this, every external appearance that stirs such an impulse will be reduced to transparency.” ~Seneca
The Stoics suggest we cultivate virtues like wisdom, courage, and self-control — not just as boxes to tick off, but as the very tools we use to sculpt our character and steer our actions. They also teach us how to release what’s beyond our control — health, time, other people’s choices, and the ever-shifting tides of society.
In a world full of uncertainty, Stoicism teaches us to let go of unnecessary struggles, clearing the path for clarity, peace, and a life that flows with what truly matters.
(An excerpt from the book Happiness Lessons from Ancient Philosophers — by Monica Laura Rapeanu & MONLart Publishing)
This article originally appeared on MONLart Publishing official website.
